Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Inside, Outside, In-between

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There a few things I noticed this weekend away. Many changes have occurred within me. There are many changes that have occured on the outside too. Even tho I am not thin, I feel thin. This is sometimes disconcerting because I know my outsides do not match my insides. I feel healthier....I guess because I am healthier. I want to look the way I feel, and I want it right now.
I posted these pictures because after I saw them I was a little disappointed, initially. I was surprised at how I look...I will avoid using the 'stinkin thinkin' that I normally would have used to describe myself, but I'm sure those phrases floated around in my head for a bit. I fought it though. I know I'm changing on the inside. Eventually it will translate to my outer appearance. I went on a couple rides...this ferris wheel with Issy, and a couple of other ones with all of the girls, and another one with Emily. I thoroughly enjoyed them. But I will admit...the whole, "will I fit" question floated around in my head..."what do I look like?" popped in and out occasionally...and then you know what, I fought it...I would notice random thoughts creep in, and I would kick them right out again because I was doing this for the kids...I was 'having fun' with them, and I will not detract from that enjoyment, from spending time with them while THEY have fun and be consumed with my appearance. Would I love for this process to speed up? Sure I would! Would I love to be fit and thin, now? You bet. But it is what it is, and it will be what it will be...and eventually I will be fit and trim and healthy and it will add to my enjoyment of life. For now though...I'm rolling with it, going with the flow...doing what I know to do, and livin and loving my life right now. Right now, I'm somewhere in-between...I'm not thin, but I feel thin, I am healthy and happy...and it's all good :o)

1 comment:

Kathy said...

Love the perspective! Such a great realization. I am shocked when I see a pic of myself, because it just doesn't match how I feel I am, so I get you! It is a slow process, but we will merge the in and outs soon. :)