Thursday, January 21, 2010
What I've Learned
So, after I made the decision to break my streak, I felt a few things. I felt disappointment. I felt relief. I felt pride. Now, I'm good. After thinking about it, I realise that I wasn't actually being balanced. I know all the opinions about consecutive working out....about what your muscles need to build, about how your body needs rest. I know all about that stuff. I'm not an uneducated newbie. I DO read, lol. However, I kept the streak going for a few reasons...not entirely based on the physical end of things. Sure, one major reason is weight loss, and firming up this body that I've let go. But the main reason is mentally. I was training myself. I was training myself to go the distance whatever come what may. See, a friend that I've met on WLW and now in the blogosphere started her journey to 'Finish what she started' well, I'm a person who used to run away from things. I ran! I ran away and didn't face situations. I ran away instead of using the situation at hand to help me grow, instead of digging deep and finding my inner strength. So for some reason, I figured that if I could do daily consecutive exercising and NOT LET THINGS come between us, if I didn't run away and bury my head in the sand, but stood my ground and worked out in spite of whatever situation/event/occurance happend, it would make me strong. And to a degree it did. I now have a respect for working out that I never had before. I know it will be a lifelong thing, a commitment to myself, something that challenges me that I LOVE doing. But it will not be my crutch. It will not have this negative connotation attached to it, like the feeling that I would be a loser if I didn't do it, if I broke my streak. I KNOW I'm not a loser, I'm actually a winner. I've won my 'self' back. I've earned the right to take a break, let my body recover, and when I hit the P90X hard again on Monday, there won't be any negative resentful feelings attached. I will be training for my 5K, and I will be commited to the next 90 days of working out, and I will do it because I want to...because it's good for me, not because I have this thing attached to my pride, this looming thing that is held over my head. I now feel free. I have the freedom to workout and if something comes up, sickness/events/ time constraints, I won't have to feel like I'm letting myself down. There is no room for vanity on this healthy lifestyle...at least not the kind that is damaging. Pride comes before a fall, dontcha know. I know. And now I also know when to say when, when to listen to my body, and I no longer have the fear that it will be something I run away from. I have longevity. I have discipline. I have determination. No streak will make or break any of those things any more. So I did learn a lot. I am fully appreciative of what I've learned during this time. And now, I'm great. It's all good baby. Watch me soar now that I've unfettered my own wings!