Thursday, January 21, 2010

What I've Learned

So, after I made the decision to break my streak, I felt a few things. I felt disappointment. I felt relief. I felt pride. Now, I'm good. After thinking about it, I realise that I wasn't actually being balanced. I know all the opinions about consecutive working out....about what your muscles need to build, about how your body needs rest. I know all about that stuff. I'm not an uneducated newbie. I DO read, lol. However, I kept the streak going for a few reasons...not entirely based on the physical end of things. Sure, one major reason is weight loss, and firming up this body that I've let go. But the main reason is mentally. I was training myself. I was training myself to go the distance whatever come what may. See, a friend that I've met on WLW and now in the blogosphere started her journey to 'Finish what she started' well, I'm a person who used to run away from things. I ran! I ran away and didn't face situations. I ran away instead of using the situation at hand to help me grow, instead of digging deep and finding my inner strength. So for some reason, I figured that if I could do daily consecutive exercising and NOT LET THINGS come between us, if I didn't run away and bury my head in the sand, but stood my ground and worked out in spite of whatever situation/event/occurance happend, it would make me strong. And to a degree it did. I now have a respect for working out that I never had before. I know it will be a lifelong thing, a commitment to myself, something that challenges me that I LOVE doing. But it will not be my crutch. It will not have this negative connotation attached to it, like the feeling that I would be a loser if I didn't do it, if I broke my streak. I KNOW I'm not a loser, I'm actually a winner. I've won my 'self' back. I've earned the right to take a break, let my body recover, and when I hit the P90X hard again on Monday, there won't be any negative resentful feelings attached. I will be training for my 5K, and I will be commited to the next 90 days of working out, and I will do it because I want to...because it's good for me, not because I have this thing attached to my pride, this looming thing that is held over my head. I now feel free. I have the freedom to workout and if something comes up, sickness/events/ time constraints, I won't have to feel like I'm letting myself down. There is no room for vanity on this healthy least not the kind that is damaging. Pride comes before a fall, dontcha know. I know. And now I also know when to say when, when to listen to my body, and I no longer have the fear that it will be something I run away from. I have longevity. I have discipline. I have determination. No streak will make or break any of those things any more. So I did learn a lot. I am fully appreciative of what I've learned during this time. And now, I'm great. It's all good baby. Watch me soar now that I've unfettered my own wings!


Karilynn said...

Umm we all know that you are BRILLIANT and I absolutely knew that you already KNEW what was best for you. This post is amazing. You are STRONG, you have LEARNED so much. Without 193 days of consecutive exercise... you would never have learned everything that you have!! Now you get an opportunity to learn that exercise IS a part of your life that you will never let go away. And I love that you are prepared to not let it get in the way of life. I have always been amazed by you. This post.. once again.. AMAZING!! You are so honest, sincere, straightforward and a force to be reckoned with. Kick Tony's butt come Monday! ;o) Today is YOGA for me... BLAH!

WeightWatcher Mama said...

we all have roadblocks in our life that will interfere with exercise. i got sooooo sick with H1N1, i was out for a WEEK! then the next week if had the surgery on my vericose veins. total i was w/o for 1 MONTH! i was so happy to get back to it & it quickly became part of my routine again! this summer i'm having my deviated septum fixed, which will put me on hold from heavy exercise AGAIN! but, i will get back to it, AGAIN!

Amy Davis said...

193 days is AMAZING! Taking a break to let your body recoup is probably exactly what it needs! You are so inspiring!